The LNER Encyclopedia

As it's first Sunday of Advent, I thought I'd do a seasonal funny!!!

G'Day Gents

:) Good one, manna.

Father Christmas comes down the chimney and there’s this fit blonde lying starkers on the fireside rug. She says, “Right, you’ve delivered the kids’ toys, shouldn’t you be on your way?” Santa says, “Well, I can’t get back up the chimney now, can I?”

G'Day Gents

The cops apprehended a flasher last week. The sargeant suggested that the bloke should retire and got the response "Not yet. I'll stick it out till the new year."

Is this the same guy who was admitted to hospital during a sudden cold snap, suffering from exposure?

G'Day Gents

Overheard a couple of ladies at the bus stop. One was saying that Tampax were bringing out a 'limited edition' with a piece of tinsel instead of the usual string. But it's only for the Christmas period.

I went to one of those faith healer meetings last night. Bloody rubbish. Even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

G'Day Gents

The look on her face says 'What's going on? I am sure I asked for a strawberry milkshake'.

Did you know that Yul Brynner was a Liverpool fan and that he never used aftershave? That's right, Yul never wore cologne.

A battery and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar, the barman says, "I've got my eyes on you two, don't start anything."

Oh, and a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year to everyone.

Meet the new boss to be appointed Manager-in-Chief of GREAT BRITISH RAILWAYS named Ben Hill and known in the railway industry as 'Benny Hill' - https://i.insider.com/55156482dd0895f30f8b462f