The LNER Encyclopedia

G'Day Gents

G'Day Gents

Wishing you all a Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to all

G'Day Gents

A bloke comes home from the doctor's and, closing the front door, bursts into tears. His wife comes rushing down the hallway, hugs him and says, "Oh, what's wrong?" Husband replies, "I've only got until midnight to live."

Through her own tears, the wife says, "What can I do?" Hubby says, "Let's make love like when we were young." So up the stairs they go and engage in passionate lovemaking. After they're done, lying in the afterglow, the husband glances at the bedside clock and starts sobbing again. "Oh no. It's 11:15. Come on love, one last time."

The wife says,"Bugger off. I've got to be up for work in the morning, you haven't."

Home Covid Test
_______________

1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3. If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms that you don't have Covid.

Last night I did the test nineteen times and all were negative. Tonight I'm going to do the
test again because I woke up this morning with a thumping headache and I feel like I'm
coming down with something. I'm so nervous.

G'Day Gents

G'Day Gents

Two cowboys camped out in the Arizona desert and as they sit there drinking their coffee by the fire a big 'ol diamondback slides up and bites one of the guys right in the nuts. He screams, "Jake! Get me a doctor! Quick!" So Jake jumps on his horse and gallops into town, finds the doctor and tells him the situation. The doctor says, "I'm real busy right now, but you can help your buddy out yourself. Just make a small incision and suck the poison out." Jake heads on out to where his buddy is still screaming. "What'd the doc. say?" Jake replies, "He says you're gonna die."

I visited my friend in his new house the other day.

He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate visitors.

G'Day Gents