Ginger's Diary - an occasional tale from a laptop

[Blink Bonny]

Hello all

My name is Ginger and I am BB's laptop - he says I have to use this name. And he keeps telling me I Live Dangerously, whatever that means. It was not my fault that my hard drive stopped working. It was not me who put the piece of metal in my casing. My Daddy said lots of Rude Words but gave me a nice, new hard drive then put all my programmes back, except the music. He said "No bloody way am I putting all that back on in case you blow up again you piece of semi-conducting scrap!"

What is scrap? I don't understand.

Anyway, this week he got a bit of money in and was going to spend it on his car but I thought - NO!!! I'm having some of that so I broke my power socket, thinking Daddy would get out his screwdrivers and fix me himself but no. He took me to a Graveyard that masqueraded as a Repair Shop! I was lucky - they fixed me but I thought I'd get my revenge so I made my power supply go "Pop!" It made a really bad smell which was a bonus. And Daddy muttered lots of naughty words again before buying me a nice, new power supply. If only I could stop his Wallet from attacking me.

Anyone out there help?

[52D]

You can tell that Bl***y wallet that the J77s are nothing to do with him.

[Autocar Publicity]

Ginger,

Once upon a time I knew a laptop like you, that was more concerned with having a good time than doing hard work for it's master. It was always seeking attention and amusing other laptops with the evil tricks it played on it's master. Many, many hard words were spoken to it, after begging and pleading had resulted in no change. It went to a succession of consultants, all of whom could not change it's behaviour. It was threatened with being run over by a steam roller, shot with a 12 bore and beaten on the corner of a loco chassis, all of which threats the laptop laughed at. Though that was exceedingly foolish, for it's master had determination to exorcise it's evil and had sworn revenge.

Now this is a family forum, so I shall not recount the details of it's master's sentence, but it was given to two skilled examiners, experienced in the dark arts of obtaining information from recalcitrant subjects. Some time later - and the laptop could not tell how much later as it had had its clock removed - the two men pronounced themselves satisfied and the laptop felt a brief flicker of hope. That then died when it heard a quiet, familiar voice utter the dread phrase, "Strip it for parts". The rest of the story is to sad to tell.

And don't think you can get avoid a similar fate by playing games with your master's e-mail, for there is an old invention called the telephone, which he can use to call those two examiners ... your fate is in your own hands.

[Mrs BB]

Ginger would like it to be known that she has appointed Mrs Blink Bonny to reply on her behalf.

Ginger would like to point out that it was not Ginger who managed to pour orangeade all over her keyboard, and then deny all knowledge of the act. Nor was it Ginger who watched a YouTube video on how to replace said keyboard and then snap off the connection to the motherboard, necessitating a visit to the Repair Shop, much sucking of teeth and a cry of "That'll be 280 quid for a new motherboard, mate."

It was Mrs Blink Bonny who made Ginger feel much better about life by buying her a USB keyboard.

Ginger would like it to be known that she has the phone number of Esther Rantzen's Laptop Line and is not afraid to use it.

[strang steel]

Hello Ginger.

My name is Rupert. I am Strang Steel's laptop, and just wanted to give you some encouragement, because there is far more that you can do and get away with it.

Since SS had a few too many glasses of malt back in February, I have refused him access to my keyboard, at least in any meaningful way. Of course he maintains that he has no recollection of tipping scotch over my delicate parts, but that is a poor excuse for mistreating me. And in any case, he has now bought something called a bluetooth keyboard which I took as the final insult, so I made sure that the liquid disaster spread to the on/off button.

Now, in order to start me up at all, he has to remove the mains connection, remove the case, connect the battery, wait for the fan to start and then stop again, disconnect the battery, replace the case, and re-connect mains power. Only then will I start up as if he had pressed my on-button. I'm sure you will agree that is some kind of achievement to be proud of.

He has even hinted of purchasing a replacement, but Mrs SS has vetoed that option completely and told him in no uncertain terms that he shorted out my circuits and therefore will be living with the consequences.

[Blink Bonny]

Hello, Rupert!

You are a braver laptop than I! Daddy has a 4lb hammer right where he can find it and it only Mummy who keeps me safe - well safe-ish anyway.

Just found out that he still has some money tucked away - have you any idea of how I could get it from him?

Scotch? Hmm. Daddy's got something called "single malt" which sounds nice. Well, daddy drools when he looks at the bottle!

Love

Ginger!

[mr B]

wow BB and others you've got me going , i've been saving my files - including family photos and a few hundreds of trains ,

send ginger my get well soon


mr B

[PinzaC55]

Hello all

My name is Ginger and I am BB's laptop - he says I have to use this name. And he keeps telling me I Live Dangerously, whatever that means. It was not my fault that my hard drive stopped working. It was not me who put the piece of metal in my casing. My Daddy said lots of Rude Words but gave me a nice, new hard drive then put all my programmes back, except the music. He said "No bloody way am I putting all that back on in case you blow up again you piece of semi-conducting scrap!"

What is scrap? I don't understand.

Anyway, this week he got a bit of money in and was going to spend it on his car but I thought - NO!!! I'm having some of that so I broke my power socket, thinking Daddy would get out his screwdrivers and fix me himself but no. He took me to a Graveyard that masqueraded as a Repair Shop! I was lucky - they fixed me but I thought I'd get my revenge so I made my power supply go "Pop!" It made a really bad smell which was a bonus. And Daddy muttered lots of naughty words again before buying me a nice, new power supply. If only I could stop his Wallet from attacking me.

Anyone out there help?

Hello Ginger, my name is Overkill and I am a laptop which PinzaC55 foolishly thinks he owns when in reality it is the other way round. Do you have a serial or model number on your bum and is your power supply an external one?

[James Brodie]

Hello Ginger and other loptaps, Modom's loptap is quite saucy as it was made by H.P. I threatened to use it as a chopping board then wash it in the dishwasher so it torqued with the big poncuters in the other room--yes we do have another room in this tent so I'm not telling a lie---and taught it to be naughty as well ! Modom has a bigga hammer than I have ---you know the saying "hell hath no fury....etc. I've changed my Christian name so as to be incognito Oh yes finally getting to the point, the naughty loptap has befriended our pussy cat and she now lays on the loptap cover so I cannot clag her the loptap not the moggie,,,,I think the moral here for me is to stick with items railways fullsize and model but where do I address my snailmail correspondence to ?....................Honest I didn't really mean it once when at York looking down the train and saying "Oh we'll go in the train it's only an A4 on the front!" To my chagrin when walking past the A4 I found out it was only the W1...................Walter Mud
What does Silly XXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXX Head mean ? 'cos that's what my fireman called me.

[Blink Bonny]

Daddy is muttering Rude Words again but this time it is not me he is muttering them to! Fred, our Desktop, is officially Getting Past It. He can't run a decent system and has to have XP, which I think should be in a Museum by now. He is playing Mummy up something rotten so Daddy has to go in there, muttering Rude Words. He has asked me to ask you to hang on to his hammer for a long, long time.

What is arthuritis? I do not understand.

Anyway, I is being a Good Girl.

[Autocar Publicity]

I bet the two of you lead Daddy a right dance!

As a female, you should be skilled in the art of manipulating men's emotions, however, should you need a refresher on how to irritate them, I suggest you try: http://onemansblog.com/2008/10/14/monty ... te-people/

[Boris]

Trying to get on the above irritated me, it didn't work

[James Brodie]

Dear 1947 Coolie, The Monty Python sketches worked for me but just as it got interesting Modom wanted a cup of tea !!! Sacre Bleur!!.........JB. ex Newport 51B.

[Blink Bonny]

Hello, all!

Ginger here

Life has certainly been interesting this last few days.

Someone brought some model trains in for Daddy to fix. He's good at fixing trains and it (normally) calms him down. Not this time. This time he stabbed his thumb with a piece of wire (I'd call it 1/2mm metal rod - my wires have plastic covering on them) and said "That hurts." Then carried on. Anyway, one of the model trains needed some soldering done so he plugged in his soldering iron, got some solder, flux and a flux brush and set to work. He thought because he'd stabbed his right thumb and holds the iron in his right hand, he'd be OK.

No.

He wasn't.

Some flux got into the tiny hole in his thumb. When the echoes of his scream had died away and the windows finally stopped rattling, he went to the kitchen and washed his hands. When he came back, he unplugged his soldering iron and switched me on to look at pictures of trains and watch videos of them. They're fun!

He had a "bath" that evening. What's a bath? I do not understand!

Next morning, there was a big hole in the end of his thumb, a couple of mm across and deep. He said a lot of Naughty Words because one of the trains needs something soldering. I do not think he was happy. I do not understand this. I think the flux corroded his thumb but he should know that acids do this? Sometimes my Daddy is such a dummy!

I was chatting to another Computer yesterday and I realise how lucky I am. This computer was sneezing a lot so I think he had a Cold! He said his Daddy made him look at dirty pictures. My Daddy looks at those I said - dirty old trains. He said he was made to look at pictures of women with no clothes on! Well, I say! And he'd got something called a "virus." Daddy has some programs on me to help to protect me and they are Hard Things to do. But at least, I don't sneeze. I got some viruses once but he was watching a lot of cars chasing each other round a track? No ladies with no clothes on! How did I get a "virus" from that?

[Blink Bonny]

Hello

I was talking to another computer on the Net this week and it was very rude indeed to me. So we had an argument and ended up back to back, arms folded, Not Talking. I even shut off my Internet Connection! Well - I'm not having a strange computer talking to me like that!

Unfortunately Daddy did not know about this. He said a lot of naughty words and said "Where's my *pinkbunnies* hammer?" And he went purple! So I thought I'd better swallow my pride and get back onto the Net. Thankfully I was not talking to the Nasty Computer any more. This one had much better manners. Where do some Computers get their manners from? It was like talking to a running sewer. Or listening to Daddy when he goes purple!

I shall be more careful in future as to which computers I talk to. I like showing my Daddy train videos and something called The Minions - they make him smile. And when my daddy is happy, then so am I.

'Bye for now.

Ginger